Pranking Lucius
by Silver Fox Animagus
Summary: the marauders prank Lucius...there really aren't enough stories about this...
1. Chapter 1

A/N-Just a little background-I had the Marauders in their 2nd year and Lucius in his 7th year when I wrote this...and I just can't seem to keep anything to a one shot can I...oh well...proofread by Ninja Giraffe and Alina Lassiter btw! amazing authors! ok I'm done rambling now.

~Prongs

* * *

"I'm boredddd!" Sirius complained for what must have been the millionth time. He and Remus were studying in the Gryffindor common room, while James was helping Peter with homework in the library.

"Nothing good ever comes out of you being bored Padfoot." Remus replied. "Except a prank that's funny until we all get in trouble for it."

"I wouldn't mind getting in trouble for a prank." Sirius groaned. "At least it would be something to do!"

"Fine then," Remus said closing his book, knowing that he wouldn't get any more studying done while Sirius was complaining about being bored. "What do you propose we do?"

"Err…" Sirius said. He hadn't really thought of anything to do, seeing as how he hadn't expected Moony to give in so easily. "Prank the Slytherins?" He phrased this as a question.

"Well of course." Remus said in an exasperated tone. "I was hoping for something a little more specific." He said, crossing his legs.

"I don't know; let's just go hex Snivellus or something." Sirius said. "I just want to go _do _something."

"No, no, no." Remus said. "If we're going to get detention for something, it'll at least be worth getting detention for."

Sirius' face was priceless as he stared at his friend in amazement. He had never condoned their pranks! And now he was _planning_ one! Well Sirius was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, so he listened attentively as Remus went on with his plans.

"Well first we have to decide who we're going to prank. I was thinking not Snivellus, since we prank him a lot, and it's starting to lose its novelty. "

"Ok then." Sirius said rather surprised. He hadn't known that Moony thought their pranks had ever had any novelty. "So a Slytherin we haven't pranked before." He continued. "Not my brother. My mom would murder me."

Remus nodded his head sympathetically. "Alright then." He said gesturing for Sirius to continue.

"How about…ooh I got it! Let's prank Malfoy!" He said getting more excited the longer he thought about it. It was perfect! "He needs to be taken down a notch!"

Remus looked at him open mouthed. It was a few seconds before he spoke. "You want us to prank the Head Boy!" he said incredulously. "You can't be serious!"

"Of course I'm Sirius!" Padfoot stated plainly. "It's what my parents named me after all." He said the last part with a smile and a wink.

"Oh you're hilarious." Remus said drily. He sighed in a resigned sort of way. What had he gotten himself into? Well there was nothing to be done for it now. Sirius would never let him back out of this now. "Go on." Remus said with another resigned sigh.

"Well since I thought of who we were going to prank I think that you should think of the prank." Sirius stated lazily.

"But this whole thing was YOUR idea Padfoot!" Remus said incredulously. "Fine, fine." He consented, seeing the look on Sirius' face. "Well no matter what we do we're going to get in heaps of trouble for it…so it's got to be worth getting in heaps of trouble for."

Sirius smiled evilly. He had never seen this side of Remus before. "Remus can be rather devious when he wants to be." He thought to himself.

It was then that James re-entered the common room. "Ughh!" He groaned. "Next time one of you is tutoring Peter!"

"Where is Peter?" Remus asked his friend, as he collapsed on one of the couches near the fireplace.

"When I left him he was still in the library studying," James answered. "But enough of that. What have you guys been doing?" He asked, suddenly seeming much more awake as he analyzed the look on Sirius' face. "You've been planning a prank haven't you? I am appalled that I haven't been included!" He yelled in mock horror. "Well I suppose I can forgive you if you guys include me now." He said his previous enthusiasm reinstated.

"Well we don't have much yet." Remus said "Only that-" He was cut off as Sirius shouted "We're going to prank that Malfoy git!" His excitement was palpable as he exclaimed the only part of the prank they had been able to plan successfully.

James sat staring at them with his mouth agape for a few long seconds before he was able to respond. "You two are crazy." He stated plainly.

"Funny." Sirius said thoughtfully. "Your reaction was almost identical to Moony's."

"That's because this plan is ridiculous." Remus retorted. "But that's beside the point. Have any ideas Prongs?"

"Now that you mention it…" James said with a devilish look on his face. "I think I do have a good idea."

The three boys huddled by the fire intently as they finalized the plans for one of their more insane— and if it went badly, possibly suicidal—pranks.

* * *

Later that night the three of them were huddled under the invisibility cloak checking the Marauders Map. They knew that Malfoy would be on patrol that night, now they just had to locate him on their very useful enchanted map.

"Ow Moony, you stepped on my foot!" Sirius exclaimed not seconds after they had begun walking towards the astronomy tower, where Malfoy was currently patrolling.

"Well maybe you should keep your foot out from under my foot!"Remus retorted.

"Well maybe we should all just shut up!" James whispered. "We're getting near the astronomy tower now we don't want him to hear us!"

It was then that they heard footsteps coming down the tower stairs. "Damn!" James said. "Now we'll have to find some way to get him back up to the tower."

"Don't worry." Sirius said in a lazy whisper. "I've got just the thing." He said, pulling them silently past Malfoy who was going in the opposite direction, and up the astronomy tower stairs. Once they had reached the top of the astronomy tower his footsteps, accompanied by the occasional thump of his showy snake head cane, were no longer audible by the group. It was then that Sirius said, in a normal voice since no one could hear them, "Accio Malfoy's cane."

The boys remained under the cloak and watched as the cane flew up the stairs, and bashed into the far wall of the tower. Not soon after they heard running steps, accompanied by the occasional swear or threat, as Lucius chased after his precious cane. The boys stood next to the door, and as Malfoy burst into the tower Remus cast the charm that they had decided on for the prank, followed by Sirius casting a complicated permanent sticking charm.

Then they ran like hell, taking the steps three at a time, so that they would be far enough away once Lucius realized what they had done. They were halfway to their portrait hole before they heard his very effeminate scream, and had to stop running because they were doubled over with laughter.

* * *

The next day at breakfast they weren't the only ones laughing. Many people, Slytherins included, were staring, pointing, and laughing at Lucius' bright pink head. And, as expected, Malfoy was more upset about his hair being damaged than about the fact that people were laughing at him.

The high point of the prank, though, might have been watching Malfoy blow up at a first year that was either stupid enough, or audacious enough to ask him if he knew his hair was pink.

Obviously everyone knew that this entertainment was courtesy of the Marauders. But as they reminded a countless amount of people, including their head of house and even Malfoy himself, they had no proof.

That, however, didn't stop Malfoy from retaliating a week later.


	2. Chapter 2

Hello :) I intended to make this only 2 chapters but damn I just can't keep anything short! Lucius' revenge is going to be longer than I'd hoped...ah well...I don't own any of this...I do however own a chinchilla which has been nicknamed Quirrell...not quite the same but...I'm ranting...ok I'm done now...

~Prongs

* * *

Lucius Malfoy was a smart man. Top of all his classes, head boy, he was the model student. But he had been deliberately singled out; humiliated He wasn't sure why the notorious pranksters had chosen now to target him for one of their infamous laughs, but whatever the reason he sure as hell wasn't going to take it sitting down.

He knew he had to retaliate in some way, but despite all of his many talents and accomplishments, this wasn't really his forte. As much as it killed him to say so, ever, in any situation, he needed help. And he knew exactly who to go to.

Peter Pettigrew.

Lucius knew for a fact that the boy hadn't been included in his humiliation. He had his sources. And he was willing to bet anything that the Peter was going to be a little bitter about being excluded, and not at all opposed to a little revenge.

And to top it all off Lucius would not only get his revenge by pranking the kings of pranking themselves, but would have the added bonus of their humiliation when they found out that their friend was in on it. Oh this was a great plan!

He managed to corner the short marauder on his way out of transfiguration. As usual the other boys hadn't waited for him, and he was running to catch up with them. They could be heard in the distance, screaming something about "Old Minnie", and it was clear by the look on Peter's face that he was indeed bitter about being excluded.

"Hello there." Malfoy drawled as he approached the younger boy. He saw a flash of fear cross the boys face, and delighted in this reaction. He loved being able to inspire fear in others with nothing more than a look and a few words.

But the fear was gone as soon as it had come. "If you want revenge for that prank," he said in a squeaky, high pitched voice, "then you've got the wrong person. I had nothing to do with it."

Lucius could hear the resentment hanging on his words, and continued, sure of his course, and of his plan. "I know that." He started. Upon seeing the look of confusion on the boys face he added "I have my sources."

"Oh I don't doubt that." Peter said. Now it was Lucius' turn to look utterly confused. "What confuses me is if you know that I had nothing to do with that prank, then why are you talking to me?"

Oh, he was liking this kid more and more. He got right to the point, which was one of the few traits the Malfoy boy admired. "Well I want your help of course." Lucius said in an arrogant drawl, enjoying the bewildered expression on Peter's face.

"Me?" He asked, utterly perplexed. "What would you want _my_ help for?"

"A very valid question," Malfoy smirked as he answered the boy's queries. "And the answer is simple. I have been wronged, and I want to get back at the people who have wronged me." He stated plainly, making it seem as though the situation were black and white. "Your friends," he elaborated. "And seeing as how pranks seem to be your forte, I would appreciate your input on the planning and execution." He finished gesturing elaborately towards Pettigrew as he spoke of him.

"I still don't see why you'd want _my_ help. I rarely ever help with the pranks. More of a spectator really. They usually disregard my ideas…" he mumbled his rant, it was obviously meant for his benefit only, Lucius just happened to be hearing him.

"But," Lucius cut him off. "You always hear them planning, do you not?" Realization dawned on Peter's face. "So you want my listening skills." He said.

"Yes." Lucius agreed, nodding his head animatedly.

"Well I don't know…" Peter contemplated, "They are still my friends…I don't want to betray them…"

"Oh but it's nothing serious!" Lucius argued, "It's only for fun!" he reasoned, trying to get the boy back on his side.

Peter smiled then "I guess you're right." He said nodding in assent. "Just like what James, Sirius, and Remus do. Only for fun." He said, seeming to see justification in this reasoning.

"Exactly," Lucius said, a malicious undertone in his voice. "Only for fun…" he finished, though his expression implied something quite different from what he said.

* * *

I'm back for more ranting! I love how things work out...i didnt plan this at all...not including peter was only out of laziness...and i always wondered how peter got involved with the death eaters in the first place...and now here it is! thats it and i mean it this time...proofread by the usual people, my marauders...and vote for your favorite marauder on my poll! thats really it now...

~Prongs...again


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